Sunday, April 30, 2006

No Comment Quotes April 30, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- The king and the pawn go back into the same box when the game is over.
2- The right angle to approach a difficult problem is the try-angle.
3- The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. -- G. K. Chesterton
4- You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
5- Anyone who says: "Easy as taking candy from a baby", has never tried it.






What photoshop can do ( Contradictory Words ) April 30, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Group of Individuals.
2- Long Brief.
3- Objective Opinion.

Saturday, April 29, 2006 Quotes April 29, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. -- Quentin Crisp
2- If a woman insists on being called Ms, ask her if it stands for miserable. -- Russell Bell
3- Eat healthy, live right, die anyway.
4- Money can buy a house but not a home.
5- God gave us two ears and one mouth, which indicates we should listen twice as much as we speak.

Try to explain these

Sex in the dark

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator!
Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard,"
She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids." ( Contradictory Words ) April 29, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Authentic Reproduction.
2- Communist Leader.
3- Electroshock Therapy.

Friday, April 28, 2006 Quotes April 28, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city. -- George Burns
2- Can I pay my Visa with my MasterCard?
3- The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less. -- Brendan
4- A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. -- Phyllis Diller
5- There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

How to sleep without getting caught

Who is dumb ?

Two young casino dealers were awaiting their players one evening.....

A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said,

I hope you guys don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked!!!." With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" >>Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

Water Bridge in Germany ( Contradictory Words ) April 28, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Practice Test.
2- Silent Scream.
3- Ultra Casual.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006 Quotes April 26, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- Experience is always the hardest teacher, because you take the test before you learn your lesson.
2- Don't have sex, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
3- A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. -- Walter Winchell
4- Treat me like an angel and I'll be your little devil.
5- They say the truth will set you free, but then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?

The Best T-shirt ever made..soo it is not wat u see that always counts.

Good One

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy pointed his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked.

"Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars." ( Contradictory Words ) April 26, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Don't Look Like Yourself.
2- Frozen Hot Chocolate.
3- Least Favorite.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 Quotes April 25, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- Lawyers will do anything to win a case, heck, they may even tell the truth!
2- Born free, taxed to death!
3- Move your meat, lose your seat.
4- If you're going nowhere, you can't get lost.
5- Talking comes by nature, silence by wisdom.

Photos & Visual Art by Christopher Gilbert

Night Course

During work, John and William were chatting:

John: William, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
William: oh!

John: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
William: No
John: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this.

The next day, the same discussion took place:
John: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?
William: No
John: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:
John: And do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?
William: No
John: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, William got irritated and said: "And you, do you know who is
George Hunt?"
John: No
William: He's the guy enjoying with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this!!

Most expensive shoes: 1 million pounds

Would you feel like a princess or what when you wear something worth 1m pounds? The most expensive shoes in the world were on sale at Harrods in London. After a photo-call for the press, the shoes were locked away in a bullet-proof case where they will be guarded round-the-clock. The shoes, inspired by the ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz, were woven from platinum thread and set with 642 rubies. They were designed by Stuart Weitzman. ( Contradictory Words ) April 25, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Tax Return.
2- Almost Pregnant.
3- Cheap is Expensive.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Everyday Life Quotes April 24, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- Tough times don't last, tough people do!
2- If you cannot forget it, get it.
3- Try not to become a man of success, but rather, try to become a man of value. -- Albert Einstein
4- I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
5- Why do companies offer you "free gifts"? Since when has a gift NOT been free?

Most expensive pen: $265,000

Swiss company Caran d'Ache made 'La Modernista Diamonds' a pen that was sold in Harrods, London, for $265,000. Created in memory of architect Antonio Gaudi, the rhodium-coated solid silver pen has an 18-karat gold pen point and is pave-set with 5,072 diamonds and 96 half-cut rubies. ( Contradictory Words ) April 24, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Mobile House.
2- Peacekeeper Missile.
3- Scientific Belief.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

The world's most expensive cities

1 - London
2 - Oslo
3 - New York
4 - Tokyo
5 - Copenhagen
6 - Hong Kong
7 - Zurich
8 - Paris
9 - Chicago
10 - Geneva
11 - Dublin
12 - Stockholm
13 - Basel
14 - Helsinki
15 - Vienna
16 - Lugano
17 - Milan
18 - Istanbul
19 - Amsterdam
20 - Rome
21 - Nicosia
22 - Frankfurt
23 - Luxembourg
24 - Brussels
25 - Athens
26 - Sydney
27 - Seoul
28 - Los Angeles
29 - Taipei
30 - Berlin
31 - Lisbon
32 - Toronto
33 - Madrid
34 - Auckland
35 - Singapore
36 - Barcelona
37 - Montreal
38 - Moscow
39 - Tel Aviv
40 - Miami
41 - Budapest
42 - Dubai
43 - Ljubljana
44 - Shanghai
45 - Johannesburg
46 - Caracas
47 - Manama
48 - Warsaw
49 - Lagos
50 - Jakarta

I need a cigaretteS Quotes April 23, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- Yes and No are the easiest words in the English language, yet sometimes, they are the hardest
2- Be the change you want to see in the world. -- Mahatma Gandhi
3- Take care of those who take care of you. -- Tony Niccoli
4- I need you so much.. Give me your soul.
5- If you find it difficult to answer these 4 questions (Who, When, Why, Where) about someone, that means you're in love with him.

Funny Pics ( Contradictory Words ) April 23, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Bright Shade.
2- Dead Livestock.
3- Fish Farm.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Women's prayer

Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

Love to forgive him;

And Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

I'll beat him to death.


Rules of Life

6 Rules of Life.......Life has taught me this

1- Good times are even better when they're shared.
2- Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on.
3- Everyone needs someone with whom to share their secrets.
4- When it comes to "bonding", females do it better.
5- The only way to have a friend is to be one.
6- Listening is just as important as talking.

Ten Beautiful Roads (1)

Ten Beautiful Roads (2) Quotes April 22, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- Your future depends on your dreams.. So go to sleep!
2- Eat to live ... Don't live to eat.
3- The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once!
4- If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.
5- Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Plantimals ( Contradictory Words ) April 22, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Responsible Government.
2- Still Life.
3- Worst Enemy.

Friday, April 21, 2006

The 'BE' Attitudes

Be understanding to your enemies.

Be loyal to your friends.

Be strong enough to face the world each day.

Be weak enough to know you cannot do everything alone.

Be generous to those who need your help.

Be frugal with that you need yourself.

Be wise enough to know that you do not know everything.

Be foolish enough to believe in miracles.

Be willing to share your joys.

Be willing to share the sorrows of others.

Be a leader when you see a path others have missed.

Be a follower when you are shrouded by the mists of uncertainty.

Be first to congratulate an opponent who succeeds.

Be last to criticize a colleague who fails.

Be sure where your next step will fall, so that you will not tumble.

Be sure of your final destination, in case you are going the wrong way.

Be loving to those who love you.

Be loving to those who do not love you; they may change.

Above all, be yourself.

Can we fix it? Yes we can. Quotes April 21, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- Why would anyone want an affair? Isn't one man too much??
2- The best thing about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said!
3- 2 things are sure in life: Death and taxes.
4- Sex is like snow... You never know how much you're going to get, or how long it will last.
5- Tell the truth and run!

The tallest man in the world ( Contradictory Words ) April 21, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- History of the Future.
2- Martial Arts.
3- Organized Chaos.

Thursday, April 20, 2006 Quotes April 20, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money.
2- Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
3- I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
4- Sex is like a card game. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
5- The best way to predict the future... is to create it.

When they were kids ( 1 )

Interesting questions

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and a! sked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Did you ever notice

When they were kids ( 2 ) ( Contradictory Words ) April 20, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Big Detail.
2- Cool Sex.
3- Extra Small.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

i-pod Quotes April 19, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
2- Education costs money, but so does ignorance. -- Sir Claude Moser
3- I can't imagine what heaven would be like if it was better than you.
4- Every important achievement began with a dream in someone's heart.
5- If I throw a stick, will you leave?

A picture of Me in the shower

Snappy Comeback Lines

"Did you take a bath?"
"Why, Is there one missing?"

"Are you chewing gum?"
"No, I'm John Smith."

"I want to buy a dress to put on around the house."
"Yes, Madam. How large is your house?"

"What are you going to be when you graduate?"
"An old man"

"I spent three years in college taking medicine."
"Are you well now?"

"Do you say a prayer before you eat?"
"No, we don't have to. My mother is a good cook."

"I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for dinner."
"Who wants to eat friends?"

"We are having mother for dinner, darling."
"Make sure she's well done."

"I want some rat poison."
"Should I wrap it up or do you want to eat it right here?"

"It seems that everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other."
"Well, I guess that's why I've got two ears."

"May I hold your hand?"
"No, thanks, It isn't heavy."

"Does water always come through the roof in this place?"
"No, sir, only when it rains."

"When will you straighten out the house, dear?"
"Why? Is it tilted?"

"Do these stairs take you to the second floor?"
"No, you'll have to walk"

"Now that you're married, you should have some insurance"
"But why? My wife isn't dangerous."

"I have changed! my mind."
"Thank heaven! Does it work better now?"

"Would you like your coffee black?"
"What other colors do you have?"

Sunset at the north pole ( Contradictory Words ) April 19, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Radical Center.
2- Smaller Half.
3- Wall Street.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 Quotes April 18, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- I've lost my teddy bear... soooo would you come and sleep with me?
2- Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
3- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
4- Today is the first day of the rest of your life! What did you do today?
5- Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell. -- Joan Crawford

It really hurts

It happens

This woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in,
and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor?
What's wrong???"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby
is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"
The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has
features...of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my God! You mean it has a penis...
...AND a brain?"

Drinking Problem ( Click it to view it better )