Cooling Down Dog

Job Opportunity

Dear All,

A MULTI NATIONAL COMPANY has 5 job vacancies in their deo/perfume Plant.

The Package:
1. Proposed salary is Net £9,000/mth,
2. Health benefits
3. 6 hours / day
4. 5 working days / week
5. Transport provided
6. Medical Benefits - £8500/pm

Conditions:
1. You only need to have a very good sense of smell.
2. Willingness to explore with your nose

Joke of the day!

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!

Smallest teddy bear in the world

Enjoy the real mathematics!

Laph.com Quotes Sep 30, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth efforts.
2- If I never had lost my mind, I never would have found myself.
3- A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.
4- When you take care of your friends, don't forget yourself.
5- You will face many defeats in your life, but never let yourself be defeated.

www.laph.com

This is called creativity...

I am sure you too will think twice to leave the shop...seeing that boy on the door waiting just for you.

Oxymorons.info ( Contradictory Words ) Sep 30, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Music Business.
2- Plastic Silverware.
3- Serious Fun.

www.oxymorons.info

Funny Cartoon

Ronaldinho's dogs

7 Ways To Make a Great First Impression.

When you have an important event to attend there are 7 great ways to make sure you perform at your very best. These tips are relevant for social events and business meetings. Discover how to communicate with confidence while making great conversation.

1- Decide what you want to say before the event. Review it in your mind to make sure it sounds okay. Keep rehearsing it until you can say it with conviction and confidence.

2- Consider your potential listeners. Who will you be talking to and which topics of conversation will be welcome? You need to make sure your message matches your audience.

3- Be yourself. The worst mistake is to pretend you are something you are not. People will see through you and distrust everything you say. Even if you communicate clearly and with confidence.

4- Never expect things to work out perfectly. Be ready to deal with problems by deciding in advance what you will do. What will you do if people ignore your input? Now is the time to decide and not later on in the heat of the moment.

5- Be flexible in your approach. Different people need to be treated differently. Pay very close attention to how people respond to what you say and keep adjusting your approach until you have a good rapport with your listener.

6- Make the other person the focus of your attention and let him lead the conversation in the early stages. Let that person steer the conversation onto topics that are of interest to him.

7- Anticipate what could go wrong. Then do what you can to make sure those scenarios do not occur. Adequate planning is the key to performing at your best in the moment.

Only in Cuba

Angelina Jolie

Business is Business...!!

One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.

Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20."

As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!"

Young Lion Bored

Laph.com Quotes Sep 23, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- Happiness is not something you have in your hands; it is something you carry in you heart.
2- He who angers you controls you!
3- If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
4- Hell has no exits. Heaven needs none.
5- Honest differences are often healthy sign of progress.

www.laph.com

Breaking the sound barrier

Oxymorons.info ( Contradictory Words ) Sep 23, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Diet Cream.
2- Free Trade Agreement.
3- Irregularly Irregular Rhythm (Health Term).

www.oxymorons.info

True or Flase?

Can you guess which of the following are true and which are false?

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!
6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
9. The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
11. The average housefly lives for one month.
12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.
16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without Turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of White paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.
23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women Who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.
25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.
26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.


Answers below...


They are all TRUE.... Now go back and think about #16!!!

You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.

Laph.com Quotes Sep 16, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- Die first, then you'll appreciate life.
2- Eat and drink with your relatives; do business with strangers. -- Greek Proverb
3- Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
4- Four-word story of failure: Hired, tired, mired, fired.
5- God gives us faces; we create our own expressions.

www.laph.com

Did you know?

In ancient England people could not have sex unless they had Consent of the king (unless they were in the Royal Family ).

When people wanted to have a baby, they had to get the consent of the king, and the king gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex.

The placard had F.U.C.K. (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it, Hence that's where the word Fuck came from.

Now, aren't you glad you learned something new today ?

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.

Oxymorons.info ( Contradictory Words ) Sep 16, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Taped Live.
2- Aggressive Defense.
3- Calculated Error.

www.oxymorons.info

Holly great mother of God, I've been cloned!

Laph.com Quotes Sep 13, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- Dieting is wishful shrinking.
2- I believe you understood what you think I said, but I'm not sure that what you heard is not what I meant.
3- Don't marry for money - you can borrow it cheaper.
4- Many people will walk in and out of your life. But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
5- Don't wait for your ship to come in. Row out to meet it.

www.laph.com

New Collant Vogue Opaque

I think there's a spy among us...

Oxymorons.info ( Contradictory Words ) Sep 13, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Minor Importance.
2- Peaceful Conflict.
3- Saying Nothing.

www.oxymorons.info

Painted ceiling of a smoking area

Good Hamburger

Laph.com Quotes Sep 9, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- Doing a thing wrong for a long period of time gives it the superficial appearance of being right.
2- DisAppointments are often His Appointments.
3- Everything is possible; just not too probable.
4- Extraordinary: it is the "extra" that make us more than ordinary.
5- Why do we always want to grow up when we're young and be younger when we're old?

www.laph.com

Modest Sunbathers

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.

Oxymorons.info ( Contradictory Words ) Sep 9, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Day Dreams.
2- Firm Pillow.
3- Income Tax.

www.oxymorons.info

A mother understands what a child does not say.

Easy / Difficult

Easy is to judge the mistakes of others.
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes.

Easy is to talk without thinking.
Difficult is to refrain the tongue.

Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...

Easy is to forgive others.
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness.

Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them...

Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...

Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...

Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...

Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...

Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...

Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfil that promise...

Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...

Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...

Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...

Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.

Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action...

Easy is to think bad of others.
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...

Easy is to receive.
Difficult is to give.

Easy to read this.
Difficult to follow.

The more I know people, the more I love my dog!

Love is beautiful.. Love it!!!

Story

Mommy,... I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the Woods with Aunt Jane.
I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss. Then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then
Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an Interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime.
I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."!
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story.
Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her Shirt.
Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

Women

Laph.com Quotes Sep 6, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
2- There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go. -- Tennessee Williams
3- Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are stiffened. -- Billy Graham
4- Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.
5- Copy from one its plagiarism. Copy from two its research.

www.laph.com

Thought for the day...

Oxymorons.info ( Contradictory Words ) Sep 6, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Standard Option.
2- Work Party.
3- Brief Survey.

www.oxymorons.info

French Kiss

Laph.com Quotes Sep 3, 2006

Quotes of the day

1- Big doesn't necessarily mean better... sunflowers aren't better than violets.
2- If a turtle does not have a shell on, is he homeless or naked?
3- Asking the boss for a raise may not be patriotic, but it will help the government with the extra tax if it comes off.
4- Womens definition of sexy: A man doing housework.
5- All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love.

www.laph.com

Let's Have A Shower

Amazing Facts

1) Coca-Cola was originally green.
2) The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
3) The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
4) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
5) TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row ! of the keyboard.
6) Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!
7) You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
8) It is impossible to lick your elbow.
9) People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
10) It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
11) The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
12) If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
13) Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history.
i) Spades - King David
ii) Clubs - Alexander the Great,
iii) Hearts - Charlemagne
iv) Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
14) 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
15) If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
16) What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.
17) Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Ans. - Honey
18) A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
19) A snail can sleep for three years.
20) All polar bears are left handed.
21) American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
22) Butterflies taste with their feet.
23) Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
24) In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
25) On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
26) Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
27) Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
28) The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
29) The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
30) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
31) Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
32) Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
33) The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
34) Most lipstick contains fish scales.
35) Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
36) And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

The Happiest People...

The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect.

Oxymorons.info ( Contradictory Words ) Sep 3, 2006

Oxymorons of the day

1- Male Ladybug.
2- Open-book Test.
3- Removable Sticker.

www.oxymorons.info